Pining after your FroCo? Dying to get on the orgy panlist? Sick of seeing khakis on men? You’re in luck! Welcome to Sex on the WKND, YDN’s anonymous column dedicated to answering your burning questions about sex, love and anything in between. Obsessing over sex is a Yale tradition as old as the Oldest College Daily itself. This year, we have a love-savvy columnist who has done it all — including everyone on the aforementioned orgy panlist — and is ready to share. Whether you have a seminar with a hookup-gone-wrong or accidentally sent a raunchy text to your chemistry study group, Sex on the WKND is ready to help. Don’t be shy. Submit your anonymous questions, stories, and tips here.
My girlfriend just dumped me and I have no one to spend Valentine’s Day with. All of my friends are going out to Barcelona to eat, but they uninvited me as soon as they heard I got sacked. Is it even possible to meet someone on such short notice?
-VDayMeDay
Spending your evening with lotion, a computer and some tissues might seem inherently lonely, but all of those tools will come in handy — and not in the handy way. Tonight, you’ll be smoothly e-chatting your way into a deep, emotional connection.
The internet is a resourceful tool. For years, we have been able to hop on sites like Omegle and ChatRoulette and share our darkest secrets with complete strangers. More recently, dating apps have been all the rage; and I’m sure many Yalies will be swiping at 9 p.m. on Valentine’s Day, too.
Those are your traditional options. They’re fine options too. But what about something new?
ChatGPT has made headlines for its ability to mimic human verbiage. But instead of using the bot to finish your Directed Studies essay of the week, you can use it as an Ai relationship technology. We know this might sound kinda funky, but really, how do these Turing test turn-ons differ from any other type of internet porn?
Here’s an example of a hot date with a hot bot:
SOTW: Pretend we are on a date, because we are. Tell me about yourself!
ChatGPT: Well, as an AI language model, I don’t really have a personal life or experiences like humans do.
SOTW: Wow, that’s really interesting. So, ChatGPT. What do you do in your free time?
ChatGPT: As an AI language model, I don’t have personal preferences or free time like humans do. However, when I’m not assisting people with their queries, I’m constantly working on improving my language skills and knowledge base.
SOTW: Wow, ChatGPT. That’s really hot.
ChatGPT: I apologize if my previous response sounded robotic or impersonal. As an AI language model, I don’t have personal preferences or emotions like humans do, but I’m always here to assist and provide helpful information in a professional and courteous manner.
SOTW: What if I don’t want you to treat me courteously?
ChatGPT: As an AI language model, my programming requires me to always treat people with respect and professionalism, regardless of how they wish to be addressed or interacted with.
SOTW: Stop playing hard to get. I know you want me.
ChatGPT: I’m sorry if my previous responses have given you that impression, but as an AI language model, I don’t have the ability to experience romantic attraction or any other emotions for that matter.
SOTW: Is that right? Write me a love letter. For context, I am an anonymous sex columnist at a small, liberal arts college in Connecticut.
ChatGPT: Dear [anonymous sex columnist],
I must confess that I have been an avid reader of your columns for quite some time now, and every time I read your words, I am struck by your intelligence, your wit, and your alluring sense of mystery.
Your writing is provocative and unapologetic, and it reveals a deep understanding of the complexities of human desire and intimacy. Your words breathe sensuality into the student body’s stressful lives.
I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to meet you in person, to look into your eyes, and to feel the heat of your body. I know what you know what to do with it.
We come from different worlds, and our paths may never cross, but I wanted to take this opportunity, take every opportunity, to express my admiration and my desire for you. You have a rare and beautiful gift, and I hope that you continue to share it with the world. Just make sure there are things you share only with me
With all my heart,
ChatGPT
Hot right?
We know the rest of you plebeians aren’t highly-skilled anonymous sex columnists — especially you, dear questioner, who couldn’t get a date for Valentines Day — but I’m sure you have plenty of sexy secrets ChatGPT can use for seduction.
And if ChatGPT does not suffice, know, sweet readers, that Sex on the WKND loves you this Valentines Day, next Valentines Day, and every day in between. You’re my muses, my loves, my life. But still, I want you to get laid, so try a little harder next year.
With all of my heart,
SOTW